Posts Tagged ‘yearning’

Of what it could be…

January 6, 2015

It’s not that he never cries, but when he does, he usually knows it’s coming, and he keeps feeling like he can stop it if he would really try, and then it makes him feel kind of guilty to cry even though he can “not cry.”  It makes him feel fake.  But when he cried this morning on hearing her voice, he knew it was not fake.  He still tried to stop it, and he did actually succeed, but still couldn’t stop sobbing.

It was the first time in years he had not heard her voice for so long.  He was used to starting his days with her voice, and it was her voice he was used to go sleep with.  He was so accustomed to it, it never occurred to him that he may have to live without it some day.  And still when it came to that, he did reasonably well. He plunged himself into his tasks – building his bridges back.  “Enjoying life is so subjective,” he thought.  He started forming new definitions of enjoying life, and of life itself.

But when she called this morning, past a few awkward moments, he saw nothing has changed – he is the same he, she is the same she, and it still could be the same “us.”… It came so suddenly – tears rolled down.

Of living without her..

December 23, 2013

Dear X,

It’s such a lonely evening. Just returned from work. Stayed there late after hours – just to shorten this period of loneliness. But now that I’m back to my room and writing this – I think I needed some time for myself – to lean back and ponder over what’s really happening…

Something is badly missing from life. Perhaps, it’s just a change of habit. I’m really not missing you, but it feels like I’m missing a life since we broke up..

P.S. …, nothing!

Of the unknown

June 3, 2013

Nothing is helping. It rained this afternoon. The air has changed suddenly from hot and humid to cool – and romantic. I tried things – played hill racing, read all my timelines, news – ate the stuff I’d bought – sat in the balcony for a while. Everything is making it worse than better.

Na, it’s sure not that simple. It’s something bigger – that I’m afraid to grasp – something deep – something dark! I’ve stopped going to depths lately – all these hot and humid days! I would rather sit the evenings in the balcony, playing hill racing.

But it rained today. The weather has changed suddenly, and for whatever, the hill racing isn’t helping any this evening.