Posts Tagged ‘stress’

This time, Nehru spoke for me…

September 2, 2013

Those were days before the Lahore Congress of 1929. The Congress had decided to demand for complete independence in this session. Nehru was to be the president of the congress.

This is what Nehru later wrote in his Autobiography about these days:

image

What the distant future held for us and our country, none dare prophesy; the immediate future was clear enough, and it held the promise of strife and suffering for us and those who were dear to us. This thought sobered our enthusiasm and made us very conscious of our responsibility. Every vote that we gave became a message of farewell to ease and comfort of happiness and the intercourse of friends, and an invitation to lonely days and nights and physical and mental distress.

Though in a different context, these are my thoughts, when I’m looking forward for the big thing.

I don’t take much risks. I should!

September 9, 2012

I have heard of people who enclose themselves within a barrel and roll over the Niagara fall.  I would probably not do that; I don’t take much risks.

It was a weekend.  Excitement was in the air; kind of mania.  Nothing special, just a bit of freedom!  I went to Ambazari.  It was flowing over and people were enjoying the free shower!

P080912_16.56

I stayed away, as I usually do, from the brim, watching the people enjoying.  I tried taking photos.  Some boys were diving from the high sidewall on which I was standing.  I wanted to take an “up in the air” shot; I couldn’t exactly catch that moment.  It was somewhere between this:

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A monsoon day, and me!

September 5, 2012

It was my first day back at work after a leave of 5 days; I had some exams and so over the weekend etc.  It was a dull day at work with some tech failure in early hours, so it stretched a little in the evening.  Had to have a little spat to leave the office leaving the work pending, but I cannot sit there too long after hours.  I earn so that I can live my life well, obviously I cannot spend all my time earning.

A tree fallen down due to heavy rain on my way to office.  A tree fallen down due to heavy rain on my way to office.

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P.S. Happy New Year

December 31, 2011

The final few moments of the passing year 2011.  It’s too kiddish to look back the whole year in introspection.  I have done that with each passing year in my teens.

If 2011 was a too much stressful year, 2012 is going to surpass it in every manner.  I must keep my cool!  If I must live, then I have no option but to live.

P.S. Happy New Year.

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain

November 4, 2011

I haven’t written anything since coming back from home; it has been about a week now.  Not that I was too busy.  In fact, I skipped the office for two days, still it was too stressful.  Indeed, I cried alone at nights, and cried until I fall asleep.  There were times I wanted to write, and just write it out, but then again I controlled myself–and I didn’t have that much energy to write too–I just was too much tired, of everything!

Audrey Hepburn

Audrey Hepburn (Doesn't she look cute?)

While coming back from home, I informed master just a couple of hours ago that I’m leaving, and he said “what shall I do now?”  That “what shall I do now?” sounded too much like what shall I do now for the rest of my life.  I know there was a tone of such.  What shall I do now is really a big question!!

Stress was so high that I felt for a moment that I should go asleep and should not awake for the next 73 years at least.  I know a psychologist would pass it as a passive suicidal ideation; a major concern on its own for depressed mood.  I need to handle myself; and I’m trying to do it, a bit more systemically.

Came back home around 6 p.m., had a bath, watched a bit of My Fair Lady (and Audrey Hepburn looks awesome in the scene where she pronounces “H” correctly for the first time).

Trying to have some lighter moments (afraid they will boomerang back on me)!

N.B.  The post title is a song from the movie The Fair Lady.  Professor Higgins uses this sentence to polish up Eliza’s accent of vowel “A”.  Image from http://www.fabaudrey.com

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It’s a hectic Diwali!

October 25, 2011

It’s Diwali.  I will be in the office tomorrow from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m.  Hope all work gets done by then.  The next day, Thursday, a full working day, and in the evening I will be leaving for home for Bhau-beej.  I have applied for leave on Friday and Saturday.  Sunday will be an off.  Again, I will have to get back at work on Monday at 6:30 in the morning.

In between,  on Thursday night I will be leaving from here; will reach home on Friday morning.  Friday Bhau beej.  I will have Saturday free; planning to spend some time with Master; may be we’ll go on a little walk by the riverside, or a bike ride.  Again on Sunday, I will be on a way-back journey.  The trains and buses will be fully loaded, it’s a festival season.

And the distance–it’s about 328 km from here–to and fro 656 km; return journey may be by bus (yaack!! buses make me sick), just to reach office Monday on time.

It’s Diwali.  It wished there were no Diwali this year; I haven’t even done my shopping and I have literally nothing to wear tomorrow and I’ll have to reach office at 6:30 a.m.

Happy Diwali 😐

May myself rest in peace!

September 27, 2011

This is not a tech blog, and I am not a tech-geek.  I wrote about those things, because I had got concerned about them for a while.  But there are a lot many things I am concerned about too.  For example, I am concerned about you; I am concerned about myself, and that is far more important than being concerned about why does Zemanta not support Picasa!

A Giant Tree at Hanuman Mandir, Laxminagar, Nagpur

Where are you? How are you?  Hmm, I am fine too!  This is a fine evening, and I am here with my complete randomness.  Why don’t you just come and set me right?  Hmm, I am fine, really!

You know it has been a long while since I have experienced that shaant and prasanna feeling that I have with you.  It has been a long time since I have really lived.  There are a lot of obligations.  Each day I need to get up to carry my own corpse on my own shoulder.  Why don’t you just come and set my soul free?  I can’t carry this bar anymore.

Life has gotten a cacophony.  Live with headphones on all the day.  I myself don’t remember what was the last time I was completely at peace.  It’s getting too much for me.  It’s really getting too much.

I don’t want to listen.  I don’t want to speak.  I don’t want to think.  I don’t want to learn.  I don’t want to grow.  I just want a little silence before I prepare myself again for this cacophony; a little silence, at some far place, far away…

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Father’s Day!

June 19, 2011

It had been a tiresome day today.  I could not have any rest at all despite it being a Sunday.  The long queue at the Unique Identity Number (I hate the name Aadhar) took more than two hours and most of my energy in the morning and then I had to go for the exam directly from there; just came back a while ago.

All that I could have on this Father's Day!

All that I could have on this Father's Day!

Yeah, my reason for writing this post today is they say it’s a Father’s Day–so it must be.  I had some time with Arnav today (much more than I usually have; thanks the two-hour queue at Aadhar).  Baba called in the evening–just to have a talk of 10 seconds.  So this was all for my Father’s Day.

The long time of agony, stress, pain, tension invades the very few moments of life–life that I strive hard to live, life that is not as easy as just to take breathe in and out, life that needs to win battle by battle–life that just demands too much to have it!

And everything else is fine!  Just had a second call from Baba–this time we had a longer conversation than the previous one–26 seconds!  What else?  Happy Father’s Day to myself!