Posts Tagged ‘self’

Sailing on the breeze

November 3, 2014

I see many recurring themes occurring in my writings – like reading, writing, loneliness, love, and such. I don’t know what I need to do about this. Does it suggest that my life is revolving around these themes only? And if it does, do I need to make any change in how I live and what I think? Am I going good, or I am just revolving around something nothing? I don’t know.

In fact, I don’t know what I am? Am I just one of the ninety five persons around me? Or I am one of the remaining five? Or is it that I am none of them? I know I should not make abnormal estimates about myself. It would be better if I can fit myself somewhere on the line.

I usually don’t make any sense. All I do is to keep chattering about the vanities that make me, then again I fall silent till the next revelation. That’s why my talks are so absurd. That’s what makes my life so “be-tarteeb.”

Be-tarteeb (noun), Urdu – without any arrangement or sequence; chaos. This word defines the most of me. Most of the time, I am sailing on the breeze, without any specified plan of action. I start a book not to finish it. I sing songs, but not to become a singer. I open a blank page without knowing I would write anything or not. I know this is not something to take pride in. It’s rather something that demands a serious thought. Is it a right way to pass one’s life?

Okay, I am getting philosophical. I should leave it here only.

I cannot stop writing

March 1, 2012

I often get a question:  “How do you write?”  It has a wide range of connotations:  “How do you get such thoughts?”; “How can you find time to write?”; or just “Why the hell you stress yourself after a workday? Don’t you get tired ?”  The answer is simple for me.  I write because I write; I cannot do otherwise.  I cannot live without writing.  It is not about writing a blog or writing online.  Writing online is kind of a perversion, because I cannot write on-paper for many reasons.  Writing online has its benefits too; I get a quick response and I can refine my thoughts if there is any odd thinking.

I never knew myself for years that I can write.  I was a reader; reading for my own pleasure.  I never understood at what time my reading changed from “just reading” to “a reading experience.”  At some point in my reading career, without even knowing myself, I started interpreting things in my own way.  And I started to realize whatever I had read until then was just a reading practice for the years to come.  Earlier, I used to devour hundreds of pages in a day, but it was just a preparation.  Till then, I hated poetry.  I had never brought a poetry book from library.  I never understood why people write poems.  It was all because I had never read good poetry, or I had not learnt interpreting things till then.  All this happened around my early twenties.  From around 19 through 21, I was turning from a “reading reader” to a “writing reader.”

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Asrar e khudi

December 4, 2011

It has been a long hiatus.  I haven’t written anything in about a week now.  In fact, I have written nothing of importance since the Nadeem-Shravan post.  I must come back soon.

Times have been tough.  My PC was not working in between too.  I had uninstalled some important files erroneously.  It’s working now, but the mouse is still erratic; sometimes it will work, sometimes it will not!

The only thing worth to say happened in between is I watched Zindagi Na Milegi  Dobara last week.  I couldn’t catch it in theaters and was looking for a DVD for a long while.  Finally, I found the DVD in my home only.  I  had never noticed it before.

I liked the movie.  In fact, I must say loved.  I had got two extreme opposite reviews about this movie:  Master had told me it’s a must watch,  Kailash told me that he had left the movie halfway from the theater.  I chose to go with Master’s word, and I am happy.  Also, a colleague of mine was insistent for me to watch this movie, and it was finally because of him that I watched it.  It was really a wonderful movie, I must thank the guys who recommended it.  Nothing had moved me this much after the Life in a Metro… watched earlier this year.

It has been a tough time for the last few days.  It was meant to be such.  I must move ahead.  There are a lot many tougher times ahead.  If I must go towards happiness across everything, I must go with least pain.  I must take care of my self, because if there is no me, there is nothing.

P.S.  I gave this post the title Asrar e khudi after completing the post.  I had never thought it as I was writing.  Asrar e khudi is a famous Persian poem by Muhammad Iqbal.  One of the greatest work of Iqbal, Asrar e khudi literally means Secrets of Self.  May be this title came to my mind because of the last paragraph.  See you soon 🙂