Posts Tagged ‘pain’

Song without a voice

May 31, 2014

He was struggling. Don’t know for how long, but for the past week – when he had been ill and lying in bed all the day and night – he had been struggling – not only with the fever and the vertigo it brought – but also for the something that was still elusive, still out of his reach. What was it that he took birth for? The thumping in his skull – which lingered even after the fever was gone – was somehow from his own pain.

“mera dard naghma e be_sadaa..”, he murmured. Faiz’s poem. My pain is a song without a voice. Why? Song? Without a voice? He again fell back into his headache – feeling awful like Gregor Samska.

Headache – or this feeling like pressure – like a lot is stuffed pack into the hollow skull – what? A song? Where’s the voice? He felt miserable, utterly miserable.

Many thought he was sad. Many others thought he should not be. But this song stuck in head finding no voice to come out, and not be sad? Not having a song is okay – you have a whole skull empty to fill with happiness, but now this something is not finding a way out – where to keep the happiness?

“What’s the default state of human mind?”, he again fell into a philosophy. Happiness? If it is, then I’m certainly not at equilibrium. Equilibrium.. the ability to see a coffee pot like a coffee pot..

“mere dard ko jo zubaa.n mile, mujhe mera naam o nisha mile..”, he was still not out of Faiz. If my pain gets a voice; I’ll get my own identity. His headache.. “mujhe daulat e dono.n jahaa.n mile..”, fever, falling asleep. I’ll get the worth of whole world.

The song, voiceless, kept thumping on the inner skull.

It need to get it pulled out!

February 18, 2012

It’s about 5 o’clock in the morning and I have already been awake for about 2 hours now.  I have been having a toothache.  It is certainly not the worst pain I have ever had, but it is still annoying.  It awoke me from sleep and kept me awake thinking about the pain and its possible consequences.  Eventually, I got confused whether I was awake because of the pain or because of those thoughts, so I chose rather to get up and do something.

Toothache I am about 28 now and never had a complete set of 32 teeth in my mouth; only 26 erupted, others remained latent never coming above the surface, so I have always had a lot of vacancies in there.  To worsen the things, two of my existing teeth (a lower molar on each side) are decayed since childhood.  I took a good care of them and they never gave me any trouble until the recent past.  One of the decayed molar fell out last year, rather I pulled it myself and it came out leaving some roots behind; those roots are causing pain providing a site for recurrent infections.  I went to a dentist a couple of weeks ago for the same problem.  She prescribed me some medications and advised to get the tooth extracted completely.

Coming to the point, I’m afraid of injections, so I don’t go to doctors.  I had had my last IM injection back in 1999, which was a tetanus in a school health program.  I took it only after I found out I cannot run away from school.  IVs are less painful; I’ve had one in some 2006-07.  Now the problem is if I go back to the dentist, I would have to get the tooth pulled out and it’s going to be painful.  Dental procedures are mostly done under local anesthesia, so she will give me injections in my gums.  I haven’t had a tetanus shot in years, so I might have to get one.  And frankly, I am afraid of injections, much more than the tooth pain itself.

I have worked in the emergency rooms for a long while, and have done procedures under local anesthesia almost on a daily basis.  I know it is painful just for a while and then it only helps the patient, but I’m finding it tough to apply the same principle to myself.  It is not that I cannot tolerate the pain, just I am afraid of it.

But I think I will go to the dentist sooner or later and will have the tooth pulled.  I will have injections and I will bear the pain, I know I can do that (if the fear is out).  Why shall I stay awake for nights just because I am afraid of something?  Why shall I not enjoy chocolates and cold coffee?  I cannot live without chocolates, so I must go and get my tooth pulled, and possibly a root canal to the other one decayed.

I need to get that damn tooth pulled out, and before that, the fear!

Note:  Sketch by Kazumi Hatasa/Flickr.  Fair use for illustration.

Just another Sunday!

June 12, 2011

It is not mandatory to write something on a daily basis.  I have quite been in a down mood today.  The day was all boring one (excluding exceptions).  Working on Sundays really feels like hell, and I had stomach pain all the day (thanks to the samosa I had had instead of lunch).

So the great news is Ramdev Baba has ended his fast at the request of Sri Sri Ravishankar, just like we had talked a couple days ago.  It was almost final at the very moment when Ravishankar proposed to placate Baba Ramdev.  It was like “I will sit on a fast, you come and ask me to end it, and we both will get hype.”

So the Ramdev Baba drama has finished now and we don’t need to talk about it anymore.  So what shall we talk about?  Just took a paracetamol/dicyclomine tablet a while ago, hope it would make me feel better, and I need to sleep to.  As usual, Sunday has gotten spoiled with whatever reason, this or that, and I have a full week ahead to work.

Okays 🙂 I will try and make my mood better, will try to solve some interesting math problems.  It really works, makes me to feel better, and I am sleepy too.  Really want a fresh morning tomorrow 🙂

P.S.  I am eating a mango like a monkey 🙂