Posts Tagged ‘moods’

How should one rate his day?

October 7, 2013

How should one rate his day? Like a day that starts on a “not-bad” note and from there goes to pretty good. You finish the day in high spirits, go to bath and have a hot shower. While you are feeling motivated – feelingg like going out and eat something, like buying some new books and find time to read them, like starting a new life again – something happens and you let everything go ruined – for reasons not clear to you – or say clear to you only.

How should one rate his day?

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain

November 4, 2011

I haven’t written anything since coming back from home; it has been about a week now.  Not that I was too busy.  In fact, I skipped the office for two days, still it was too stressful.  Indeed, I cried alone at nights, and cried until I fall asleep.  There were times I wanted to write, and just write it out, but then again I controlled myself–and I didn’t have that much energy to write too–I just was too much tired, of everything!

Audrey Hepburn

Audrey Hepburn (Doesn't she look cute?)

While coming back from home, I informed master just a couple of hours ago that I’m leaving, and he said “what shall I do now?”  That “what shall I do now?” sounded too much like what shall I do now for the rest of my life.  I know there was a tone of such.  What shall I do now is really a big question!!

Stress was so high that I felt for a moment that I should go asleep and should not awake for the next 73 years at least.  I know a psychologist would pass it as a passive suicidal ideation; a major concern on its own for depressed mood.  I need to handle myself; and I’m trying to do it, a bit more systemically.

Came back home around 6 p.m., had a bath, watched a bit of My Fair Lady (and Audrey Hepburn looks awesome in the scene where she pronounces “H” correctly for the first time).

Trying to have some lighter moments (afraid they will boomerang back on me)!

N.B.  The post title is a song from the movie The Fair Lady.  Professor Higgins uses this sentence to polish up Eliza’s accent of vowel “A”.  Image from http://www.fabaudrey.com

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Can I ever get out of towel?

October 10, 2011

This is not a post-a-day post.  I would write it even if I were not on a post-a-day mission.  This is why I had started this blog — The Blog of Reflections — to catch such of my moods, the times when I am lost somewhere, somewhere in or around me, or you, or don’t know where!

I should really take some classes on how to live life.  At this moment, I should have been singing Alvida Alvida loudly with Kailash Kher; I am instead scratching this post lowering the volume of my speakers.

Yesterday, as I was coming back from Reshimbag ground, a 30-something-year-old guy was arguing loudly with his companion on some stupid subject; it was all going in English (so uncommon on Indian streets).  They were apparently drunk, so steamed up, arguing with passionate hand movements, loud voices, a perfect drama.  I sat down on footpath and watched them fighting for long until some other guy came and took them away.  I got up and started walking back to home.

There was some van standing outside the bar.  They were offloading the wine packs from it.  Bottles of different shapes and sizes and colors.  People were coming in and out of the bar.  How lively they seemed!  I cannot even think of drinking, yaaack!  But then why don’t I look as happy as they d0?

Can I ever go out of towel?

Can I ever get out of towel?

I came on main street.  Some procession was going on, Durga immersion (don’t know how it came after Vijaya Dashmi)!  Really loud loudspeakers, heatingly fast drums, some bizarre steel-plate-like instruments making loud cymbal-like noise–mischievously tickling to the eardrums!  Everything so perfect to make you dance, move on the beats.  I stopped.  Watched the procession going, the drummers beating the drums synchronously, in high passion, all in sweats, dhan dhana dhan dhan, guys and girls dancing, playing fugadi–and me–I can’t even dance, not because I have two left legs, but because I don’t have the heart that one needs to dance.  For a moment, I felt I should go and just move, just move as bizarre as I can, that I should forget myself, forget the weight my soul needs to bear 24×7.  I didn’t do that.  I just reclined back to a car parked there and watched the dance with a calm that would suite only to an unrelated funeral.

I want to forget this stuff.  I want to forget what I am; in fact, I need to forget that I am, that I exist.  And just and enjoy the life, the breath going deep in my spastic lungs, the breath coming out of my nostrils.  I want to go out naked on the road when it is still dawn and feel the cool breeze tickling my senses.  I want to go out and sing loud without damn caring about what the next guy will think.  I want to go at some deep dark place and make a loud cry until I lose my sane.

Hmm, enough with impotent thinking–I know I can’t get out of towel even in the bathroom.

Smiles and Tears!

July 23, 2011

In a rare status update on Facebook, Master wrote “what is more important in your life, smiles or tears?” I was about to tuck in a comment there, but then it set on a long chain of thoughts. What’s really important, smiles or tears? Of course, this poses a different question than what would you prefer to have in your life. Anyone would prefer to have smiles; smiles making you feel better, smiles making your moments happy, smiles making your life beautiful! But what is really important? Are tears not as important as smiles?

My first response to the question was: “Tears that would later bring a smile!” Tears–crying is really an intense feeling, much more intense than smile. A smile comes and goes; tears come and stay with us for long. Smile makes you feel better, making you feel free; tears roll down, take you deep, to the depths of your heart! But you can’t live with tears all your life. Smile comes and goes on itself, you need to stop crying.

But what life would be without tears too? Let your tears roll down for whom your eyes smile!! Let your heart weep in corner with whom it smiles to itself in solitude!! What is the life if you pass through it without ever shading tears for someone dearest?

Smile and tears are indispensible! They keep your life from going monotonous!! A true smile as well as a genuine cry both are signs of a little innocent heart that keeps you alive and lively.

Zindagi hai…

June 6, 2011

Life has gotten such volatile. Here I stop taking breath; there you skip a heartbeat. This is again the same situation whenever I sit with a blank paper (or blank screen). Sometimes I have a lot in my mind and words just don’t come out. The other times, I sit almost blank. This time, I am somewhere in between those two situations; rather, I know not where I stand. So, the best way is to start typing and go on as you go!

Hmm! About half an hour passed since I wrote the above paragraph. The situations are so chaotic that won’t let me to sit still at a place for much time. I can’t blame anyone else. I can’t blame anyone else for the mess that I have created. So happy I was just a while ago – singing dhinka chika and all – doing all the crazy stuff that I would never do in sanity. And then? Everything can’t be published! Imagine a guy like me slapping a 2-year-old or beating a person who is as free as me to live!

Okays 🙂 The tamasha is on hold now and I am happy again. I have to find my happiness in such pieces. “Qatra qatra milti hai, qatra qatra jeene do, zindagi hain…!”

Once again okays 🙂 Let’s move to next topic! How wonderful it feels na to think that someone cares for you! It does not mean that you should make that person worry about your safety, but still… Hmm 😦 no worth thinking about past! Life should walk with the present moving towards the future… however steep the ways are, we need to move…the deep valleys on each side, the fear of falling back with each foot put forth, discontent with the present, and hopes from the future…

One more okays 😐 I don’t know how many okays are still to come! At least, till I am extremely sleepy! So let’s move towards next topic. Yesterday evening was a crazy one and the monsoon showered for the first time this year in Nagpur. Water pooled everywhere and I had a wonderful wonderful ride in the rain. Came back such drenched, had shaving and haircut with totally wet clothes, had ice-cream and all 🙂 That’s another crazy thing! Can you imagine of me doing such crazy things? It’s me! It’s me! (I don’t know who was he in the second para from above).

Oh, I’m getting bored now just sitting like this in front of PC. Chhodo naa yaar 🙂 Life hain… and I am really happy with my life, really! I have no reason to lie. I have pretended to be happy for years, just to make a show that I am happy, then now if I am, why should I pretend as if I am not!

Okays (and hope this is a final one), I am going to end this post… damn it.. why should I end it.. I am going to type all the night!