Posts Tagged ‘breakup’

The second heartbreak

August 19, 2017

​I remember. It was our very early days. It was about very first time when you’d said you’d like to spend your whole life with me (you knew I was married with a son). I was still thinking of my son, and you went on like “what use of it all if you can’t be mine..”

It was the first time it was a heartbreak for me, not because I was sorry I wasn’t free, but because ‘you’ – whom I loved the most in the world of God – too thought of me as something to be possessed.

I remember I stood there singing “hum hain mata e koocha o baazar ki tarah..” and second heartbreak was you didn’t understand why I was singing that.

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A nightmare that didn’t even come true

November 22, 2015

We are together. Then falls night.  Everyone goes sleep.  The house has four rooms, a whole house quartered into four rooms from the centre.  I’m sleeping in the front one, with several others.  You are sleeping in the side back room, on a “baaz.”

Morning.  You wake up and come in the front room; normal.  Master asks, “She LIVES here?”  I am affirmative.

No one likes you in the house.  I loved you even when it was morning and we were awake.

Of living without her..

December 23, 2013

Dear X,

It’s such a lonely evening. Just returned from work. Stayed there late after hours – just to shorten this period of loneliness. But now that I’m back to my room and writing this – I think I needed some time for myself – to lean back and ponder over what’s really happening…

Something is badly missing from life. Perhaps, it’s just a change of habit. I’m really not missing you, but it feels like I’m missing a life since we broke up..

P.S. …, nothing!

Of nothingness…

November 24, 2013

There is a certain nothingness for which I exist.  I know this is too vague of a statement, but I am doing vague things and living vague moments and have stopped dreaming of a vague future.  I am catching up on things – not people.

Dreams needed to be curtailed – I did that. Why should one dream of life when one can dream of a big home (with lavish furniture in it), etc.? I have somehow convinced myself.  I can somehow manage to not miss you – not now, and not a few years later.

You remember? One of our very first coffee shop meets when we had met after my office hours – those comfy sofas, pleasant ambiance, some cricket match on TV, you – and I had told you “This is peace.”  Now I have learned that that peace was not because of something “out of this world”, but it can certainly be recreated with the same sofas etc., isn’t it?

I will manage it somehow! You know “a man at 30 should know himself like a palm of his own hand etc.” I am going to be 30 soon.  I cannot keep things pending.  I must lose you if I cannot achieve you – and convince myself it is for better.