I am unsure; of various things. For example, is this blog worth reading or worth following? It is going to hit the mark of 7000 hits by tomorrow; it has more than 20 subscribers, about 170 comments on more than 100 posts. I have found a couple of good friends because of this blog who really care to read every line I type. I don’t want to be suspicious about their judgment.
My question is about myself. Am I being honest with myself while I write these things? I know I am not.
I am a writing guy. As a friend pointed out, I need to write down things to come at a decision. Still, I have kept some decisions pending; and they are left pending because I am not writing about those things, not here on this blog, not anywhere else. I even tried to start a new blog. The main issue is not of freedom of expression, on this blog or that, what matters the most is the freedom of thoughts, and I am afraid I have lost the habit to have it!
Again, I don’t want to point a finger at someone else. It’s me who is keeping myself under constraints. I can fight with everyone else for trying to cage me down; how shall I deal with myself?
I want to fly, free from myself! I am choosing an easy way—stay where you are—I would rather not! I must remember what the Buddha had told me, in the Dhammapada, “Bad deeds, and deeds hurtful to ourselves, are easy to do; what is beneficial and good, that is very difficult.”
And I want the strength to do the beneficial and good!