Archive for the ‘कल्पना का सच’ Category

Fur Elise

November 18, 2018

Elise.  For long I thought I had forgotten you, but a split glimpse of you today, a photograph – a dream –, and the house of cards fell apart.

I am missing you like a poet misses a perfect word and a musician misses a perfect note until they find it.


How does one hold on to moments?

April 29, 2018

How does one hold on to moments? You wish so much to turn them into tiny cubes and hide them in your pocket so that you – checking no one can see you – can take them out and feel them again and again.

How does a gaze, as normal as a gaze, makes you trust in love? How do your lips that seem to detest all music at other times serenade into cute little jingles? How does it happen that the time stop with the caresses, but the clock never does?

The moments fly like a butterfly and I ruminate into times hoping to catch a glimpse on my canvas so that they stay. They never do.

Of shining pearls and a flying peacock

April 15, 2016

Content I am.  With a smile on my face and a glow in my eyes.  That I had just been in a dream. Moments flew on feathery soft wings.

We smiled for no reason but for being happy.  We gleamed.  We shone.  Not like a firefly, nor like a diamond, but like a pearl.  Soft and milky white.

That we rode in parching heat, like it was a breeze of early summer mornings.  That we pulled off the road, so that the time should halt.  That we fell into embraces like how much we belonged there.  That we tasted the nectar like our lips had never tasted love before.

How would it matter what we were? The two eternal souls randomly collided in the complex machinery of existence?  Why would it matter?

That we existed is truth. Like the peacock that flew right above our head and no one else but we two saw it.  If we two had not noticed it, would it mean that the peacock never existed? It did.

Ctrl + Z, Ctrl + Y

August 12, 2013


You’re just a step away from me. Just a text message, a phone call, and I’ll be yours – again. I know you are waiting for this to happen; at least, hoping. And in spite of just going ahead, I’m sitting stubborn, holding myself back, fully convinced myself that “Life without you – is possible.”

I know how futile this thought is. Or do I really know? Slowly, I’m really getting convinced that I’m convinced. But what I’m not convinced of is “is it really worth doing?”  “is it not worth undoing?”

Of the unknown

June 3, 2013

Nothing is helping. It rained this afternoon. The air has changed suddenly from hot and humid to cool – and romantic. I tried things – played hill racing, read all my timelines, news – ate the stuff I’d bought – sat in the balcony for a while. Everything is making it worse than better.

Na, it’s sure not that simple. It’s something bigger – that I’m afraid to grasp – something deep – something dark! I’ve stopped going to depths lately – all these hot and humid days! I would rather sit the evenings in the balcony, playing hill racing.

But it rained today. The weather has changed suddenly, and for whatever, the hill racing isn’t helping any this evening.

Just one evening…

May 31, 2013

I am missing you a lot

September 20, 2012

Like I had always been looking for you.  Shall I say that?  B’coz I never knew what I was looking for.  I had times when I cried intensely for that something, and still never knew what “that something” was.  I got along with people; I got away; again got along with new ones.  I always felt that loss of something; of something that I have never had.  And then after a while, still a long while ago, I made up my mind that I was looking for myself; this search was to be independent from anyone else.  I made up my mind that something is missing from me and only I can fill that up.  I need to improve myself; I need to find me myself.  I put my short bio on twitter with a shair of Iqbal:

Dhoondhata phirta hoon aye “Iqbal” apne aap ko,
Aap hii goya musaafir aap hi manzil hoo.n main!

I keep wandering, oh Iqbal, in search of my self,
As if I am a traveller and I myself am the destination!

I remember myself crying, and crying until I fell asleep, scribbling this shair, and similar stuff, on a paper.


Tamaso ma jyotir gamaya…

February 16, 2012

Because it will not be forever that the the peace will prevail.  There will be times, as it is now, that I will find myself lost.  You have a plan.  I have a dream, unfortunately, and even more cowardly, as you call it, not a plan.  Some day, suddenly out of a blue, you will put the plan forth, and I, with the extensive burden it would put on me, would succumb.  I should not.

Jesus on Cross at the Grotto of Mother Lourdes, Nagpur

Let your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen your precepts.  Psalm 119:173

And aren’t your precepts mine too?

Note:  The post title is taken from a famous Sanskrit prayer from Brihadaranyaka 1:3:27; it means “lead me from darkness to light.”

The Pursuit of Happiness

January 5, 2012

I:  I can’t say it in words.  Gimme a pen.

Zen Master:  I don’t have one.  Tell me, what happened?

I:  I don’t know.

Zen Master:  I hate when you say you don’t know!


Enjoying “Chikni Chameli”

December 22, 2011

Okay!  I must change some of my notions about myself.  For example, I am a damn serious guy.  It’s a million dollar question for me to have a simple smile.

Chikni Chameli with her pawwaFor example, it is against my reputation to enjoy popular music.

For example, I prefer reading nonfiction over fiction, and when I read fiction, I cannot read something lower in ranks than Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Kafka, and Camus.

For example, it’s my natural tendency to be sad.  For example, I am emotionally weak and too much labile.

No, I don’t mean that I want to give up whatever I have earned bit by bit to this date.

I want to be like you.  You, who at a moment show me (in practical) the suggestive gestures of Chikni Chameli, and the very next moment, talk to me about the intricacies of emotional status of Tolstoy in between the years of War and Peace and Anna Karenina.

I’m enjoying Chikni Chameli 🙂

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