I see many recurring themes occurring in my writings – like reading, writing, loneliness, love, and such. I don’t know what I need to do about this. Does it suggest that my life is revolving around these themes only? And if it does, do I need to make any change in how I live and what I think? Am I going good, or I am just revolving around something nothing? I don’t know.
In fact, I don’t know what I am? Am I just one of the ninety five persons around me? Or I am one of the remaining five? Or is it that I am none of them? I know I should not make abnormal estimates about myself. It would be better if I can fit myself somewhere on the line.
I usually don’t make any sense. All I do is to keep chattering about the vanities that make me, then again I fall silent till the next revelation. That’s why my talks are so absurd. That’s what makes my life so “be-tarteeb.”
Be-tarteeb (noun), Urdu – without any arrangement or sequence; chaos. This word defines the most of me. Most of the time, I am sailing on the breeze, without any specified plan of action. I start a book not to finish it. I sing songs, but not to become a singer. I open a blank page without knowing I would write anything or not. I know this is not something to take pride in. It’s rather something that demands a serious thought. Is it a right way to pass one’s life?
Okay, I am getting philosophical. I should leave it here only.