Like I had always been looking for you. Shall I say that? B’coz I never knew what I was looking for. I had times when I cried intensely for that something, and still never knew what “that something” was. I got along with people; I got away; again got along with new ones. I always felt that loss of something; of something that I have never had. And then after a while, still a long while ago, I made up my mind that I was looking for myself; this search was to be independent from anyone else. I made up my mind that something is missing from me and only I can fill that up. I need to improve myself; I need to find me myself. I put my short bio on twitter with a shair of Iqbal:
Dhoondhata phirta hoon aye “Iqbal” apne aap ko,
Aap hii goya musaafir aap hi manzil hoo.n main!
I keep wandering, oh Iqbal, in search of my self,
As if I am a traveller and I myself am the destination!
I remember myself crying, and crying until I fell asleep, scribbling this shair, and similar stuff, on a paper.
What was that I found in you? I was certainly not looking for you in particular, but I felt like it was you that was missing. I never felt incomplete before knowing you, because I didn’t know what it was. There was some void, up and above my knowledge, I never perceived it as an incompleteness. But I sat with you one day and suddenly felt a surge of feeling within myself that "this" is completeness, that this is it what was missing, that this is what I was looking for forever.
It had been a long time I know you. I have been so acquainted with that feeling of completeness that it has been a part of myself now, and so naturally that I don’t need to, and I don’t, feel it distinctly. Have I started taking things for granted?—things—like I am; you are; it has always been such, and it is always going to be the same. Is it that simple dear?
I never missed you lately. I had kind of stopped thinking about you at all. Maybe, I had stopped thinking about myself too—taking things for granted—like I am; you are; it is always going to be so! I never missed you lately.
And this evening, while I am sitting here alone, I am thinking of myself, I am thinking of you, and I am missing you a lot!