I am missing you a lot

Like I had always been looking for you.  Shall I say that?  B’coz I never knew what I was looking for.  I had times when I cried intensely for that something, and still never knew what “that something” was.  I got along with people; I got away; again got along with new ones.  I always felt that loss of something; of something that I have never had.  And then after a while, still a long while ago, I made up my mind that I was looking for myself; this search was to be independent from anyone else.  I made up my mind that something is missing from me and only I can fill that up.  I need to improve myself; I need to find me myself.  I put my short bio on twitter with a shair of Iqbal:

Dhoondhata phirta hoon aye “Iqbal” apne aap ko,
Aap hii goya musaafir aap hi manzil hoo.n main!

I keep wandering, oh Iqbal, in search of my self,
As if I am a traveller and I myself am the destination!

I remember myself crying, and crying until I fell asleep, scribbling this shair, and similar stuff, on a paper.

What was that I found in you? I was certainly not looking for you in particular, but I felt like it was you that was missing. I never felt incomplete before knowing you, because I didn’t know what it was. There was some void, up and above my knowledge, I never perceived it as an incompleteness. But I sat with you one day and suddenly felt a surge of feeling within myself that "this" is completeness, that this is it what was missing, that this is what I was looking for forever.

It had been a long time I know you.  I have been so acquainted with that feeling of completeness that it has been a part of myself now, and so naturally that I don’t need to, and I don’t, feel it distinctly.  Have I started taking things for granted?—things—like I am; you are; it has always been such, and it is always going to be the same.  Is it that simple dear?

I never missed you lately.  I had kind of stopped thinking about you at all.  Maybe, I had stopped thinking about myself too—taking things for granted—like I am; you are; it is always going to be so!  I never missed you lately.

And this evening, while I am sitting here alone, I am thinking of myself, I am thinking of you, and I am missing you a lot!

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