Posts Tagged ‘writing’

The full moon of Buddha Pournima

May 15, 2014

Then he went out, walking on roads. This is one thing he enjoys. He walks with his own thoughts, with ear-plugs in, often playing no music.

“Will it ever be the same?” He thought for a fraction of moment, and felt a half tear behind his lashes. But he was calm again soon. “It is for good that it happened” he said to himself.

He started the music – something classical – he was listening it for the first time. It was beautiful – Raga Tilak Kamod – he googled. “Beautiful.. isn’t it?” he said to himself – again felt something like a tear under the eyelid.
He stopped for a panipuri, and kulfi perhaps. He likes the feel of sweet, cool, milky kulfi after the hot panipuris. panipuri and Kulfi is a routine.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” He looked at the veiled girl having panipuri there. “These girls with hijab look good eating panipuri”, he thought. Was he staring at her? The girl – who seemed standing alone there – walked past him to her boyfriend standing a little away. “Hmm”, he thought – “these girls with hijab don’t seem married.” He always thought hijab means married.

The panipuri-waali lady knows him by face, so does the kulfi-waala. He paid for the panipuri/kulfi, and again went on walking.

He was a little calmer now. He knew it will be difficult – the consequences will be long-term rather than immediate – over a relationship in one evening – she knows it’s not that simple. There will be many such evenings and he will still have those half-tears. But does that matter?

It was getting dark – he started walking back towards home. Ustad Bismillah Khan playing Tilak Kamod in his head. He looked at the sky. The moon was bright. “It’s Buddha Pournima” he thought.

He had seen many such moons – different phases of it. On the ninth day of Chaitra – when she was sitting right in front of him and the moon was exactly above her head. The crescent on the dawn of Dhan-trayodashi – while he was talking to her on phone. “Different moons, different girls..” he thought.

But this moon was different. He somehow never noticed it earlier – the full moon of Buddha Pournima! He didn’t give it much thought, and started walking back to home again.

I need to write a diary

March 13, 2014

Blogging cannot replace diary writing.  A lot of things happen.  Not everything can go on a blog.

Writing diary had been my hobby for a long time, then I stopped writing – with pen on paper.  Pen on paper will still be difficult, but I can certainly start writing on computer.

So what should I do?  Shall I write on Evernote? Or start a new private blog? Or find kind of a diary app?  One way is to write in MS Word, but then it becomes to messy to manage, a lot of doc files and sorting gets an issue.

Can you suggest something?

Gone are the days when I used to…

May 31, 2012

I am not writing these days; not even little updates.  I am not feeling that urge.  Maybe, I have nothing to write, or maybe I am too busy to write, or maybe just because I am not happy with myself—I don’t know.  I am not writing these days.

Letters used to be a common means of conversation between Master and me.  I have written him letters as long as 40 pages.  About a month ago, I brought a new notebook and started writing him a 200-page letter—it is still at it’s 4th page.

I’m a very possessive nerd when it comes to writing.  I can’t write a single line if someone is around.  Maybe, I’m not left alone these days.

I’m ending this post on a very discordant note, with a couplet of Mirza Ghalib, one of the most accomplished and famous poet of the subcontinent.  It is certainly not as discordant with the post as I am with myself at this moment:

ग़ालिब वज़िफ़ाख्वार हो दो शाह को दुआ,
वो दिन गये के कहते थे नौकर नहीं हूं मैं

Ghalib, you are a pensioner now, bless the King;
Gone are the days when you used to say “I’m not your servant!”

I cannot stop writing

March 1, 2012

I often get a question:  “How do you write?”  It has a wide range of connotations:  “How do you get such thoughts?”; “How can you find time to write?”; or just “Why the hell you stress yourself after a workday? Don’t you get tired ?”  The answer is simple for me.  I write because I write; I cannot do otherwise.  I cannot live without writing.  It is not about writing a blog or writing online.  Writing online is kind of a perversion, because I cannot write on-paper for many reasons.  Writing online has its benefits too; I get a quick response and I can refine my thoughts if there is any odd thinking.

I never knew myself for years that I can write.  I was a reader; reading for my own pleasure.  I never understood at what time my reading changed from “just reading” to “a reading experience.”  At some point in my reading career, without even knowing myself, I started interpreting things in my own way.  And I started to realize whatever I had read until then was just a reading practice for the years to come.  Earlier, I used to devour hundreds of pages in a day, but it was just a preparation.  Till then, I hated poetry.  I had never brought a poetry book from library.  I never understood why people write poems.  It was all because I had never read good poetry, or I had not learnt interpreting things till then.  All this happened around my early twenties.  From around 19 through 21, I was turning from a “reading reader” to a “writing reader.”

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Of the fear of freedom

January 19, 2012

I am unsure; of various things.  For example, is this blog worth reading or worth following?  It is going to hit the mark of 7000 hits by tomorrow; it has more than 20 subscribers, about 170 comments on more than 100 posts.  I have found a couple of good friends because of this blog who really care to read every line I type.  I don’t want to be suspicious about their judgment.

My question is about myself.  Am I being honest with myself while I write these things?  I know I am not.

I am a writing guy.  As a friend pointed out, I need to write down things to come at a decision.  Still, I have kept some decisions pending; and they are left pending because I am not writing about those things, not here on this blog, not anywhere else.  I even tried to start a new blog.  The main issue is not of freedom of expression, on this blog or that, what matters the most is the freedom of thoughts, and I am afraid I have lost the habit to have it!

Again, I don’t want to point a finger at someone else.  It’s me who is keeping myself under constraints.  I can fight with everyone else for trying to cage me down; how shall I deal with myself?

I want to fly, free from myself!  I am choosing an easy way—stay where you are—I would rather not!  I must remember what the Buddha had told me, in the Dhammapada, “Bad deeds, and deeds hurtful to ourselves, are easy to do; what is beneficial and good, that is very difficult.”

And I want the strength to do the beneficial and good!

The search of self: A brief questionnaire

October 13, 2011

Just had a very interesting talk with Gaurav.  I was sitting a kind of upset, badly wanted to talk with some, and I wished if I could find Gaurav online.  He rarely uses GTalk, so I was kind of uncertain if I can find him there.  I tried Windows Live Messenger, but it didn’t work, so I came back to GTalk, and lo.. He was there.

This was my first chat with him per se (we had had a 2-liner brief chat earlier, but I had abruptly cut it off).  I told him about me and he told about himself, then about our blogs, further plans, and so on…

The most interesting thing of it was a shootout question series by him:

Why do you blog?
To express myself.  I can’t live without writing.

This is absolutely truth.  Why do I blog?  Because I want to write.  I have a long habit of writing.  It started with my writing diary about 13 years ago.  Initially, it was a kind of routine for me, but in 2002 as I came here at Nagpur, life got too much tumultuous.  At the same time, I started to get a lot of leisure time and privacy in hostel.  Fading out of an old love, finding a new one, having breakups, going through its melancholy, getting into a couple of another relationships, again falling into a new one — this material was enough to make me write.  I wrote, and I wrote a lot.  I wrote diaries, poems, ghazals, blogs… Then everything stopped.  I had a long break of about a couple of years.  Ghalibana was an exception in between, but still writing the heart could not happen for long.  So in the earlier part of this year when I found I cannot write diary anymore, I decided to start a new blog and thus started The Blog of Reflections.  So, I write to express myself.  Because I can’t live without writing.

Next question:

Was medical a choice of your heart?
Because I didn’t know what else to do.  I had grown up since childhood listening being a doctor is something great.  Otherwise, I loved math.

Choosing medical field was an simple choice for me, because I never had any other options.  Can you believe I didn’t know till 12th grade what engineers actually are?  I only knew they either build buildings or computers!!  No one ever told me that Pure Sciences can be a great career too.  My parents were not that educated to advice me and I was an ugly duckling for my college professors.  That being said, I enjoyed my work as a physician.  I worked with surgeon for about 2 years, assisted a lot of surgeries on a daily basis, literally assisted in saving lives.  But I was a BAMS (Ayurveda graduate), I knew I can only be an assistant at most, I could never perform the surgery.  I had no intention to pursue my post-graduation in Ayurveda (even the 13,000 p.m. stipend could not allure me).  I didn’t even try to appear for the PG entrance, I had already had enough in my 5-1/2 in graduation.

Third question:

Which quality do you have that’s very special according to you?
I am a good man.

This was my answer without any hesitation, without a second thought.  It is the only reason I am alive, because I know I am a good man.  The day I lose this feeling, I will lose everything else.

So can you say you are unique in some way?
Yes I am, but I am not sure if I can explain it right now. I am unique in a lot many aspects, but still, I am a good man should be enough.

I know I am not one of the flock.  I wish if I could tell how much I long to find someone like me, and I know, it is not an easy job.  That’s the reason I hardly be friend with anyone.  I never understand what to talk with people.  In my 27 years, I could find only a few people who I can say have a part of me in them.  (In fact, I am chatting with Gaurav only because I find something like myself in him).  There are only a few people with whom I feel like myself.  (Don’t frown up, you are in the list by default, take care to keep it free from viruses).

The conversation then turned to be a bit personal; I am not going to publish that part of it (I don’t want to make Gaurav feel awkward telling that he had a broad :-) when I answered “Yes” to his “Did you have a girlfriend?”)  Stil, it was a very interesting talk.  Hope we can continue it some time later.

Quick LinksGaurav’s BlogGaurav on TwitterMe on Twitter

Day 1: Post a Day October 2011 — A thirty-day challenge

October 1, 2011

So, here am I with the first post of my 30-day challenge for the month of October 2011.  The idea of posting everyday on a blog is really fascinating and it will be more so with continued support and motivation from all of you.

There are certainly some reservations.  Can it really be creative?  Won’t it just be writing for the sake of writing?  Won’t it be writing because I have the challenge to complete?  Yes, it will be, but writing something is better than not writing at all.  And I know, whatever I will write, I would always be kind of creative in some way or other.

Creativity is “to create”.  He who creates is a creative and not the one who just thinks.  Having some feelings and putting them down on the paper (or on screen) are two really different things.  One cannot be called creative unless he transforms his thinking in the form of creation.

I think I won’t fall short of ideas for at least this 30-day challenge.  I have a lot to tell you.  If I just wait for the form, the form would never come and whatever I am thinking will fade out.  So, before it fades out, I want to put in out in whatever form it takes.

Once a Prashant Vaidya (a Marathi ghazal writer from Kalyan) told me, “Ganesh, we won’t become a poet by just writing good poems for say three months or three years.  To be called a poet, you must give out good poetry for some 30 years. ”  Soon after that, I almost stopped writing poems.  My short poetic career did not even last for three years.  After a keen reading of classics, I had made my taste so special and had raised my bars so high that I could never reach them, and I never wrote again.  And then a lot of things happened and eventually the ideas stopped to occur to me.  Thus, I became a no-poet.

So now, without waiting for ideas or form, I am going to start writing.  And I know, as I will move ahead, I will get my form back.  I know what my form is; I will rediscover it.  I don’t mean that I will start writing poetry again, or stories or novel or some sort of book, but certainly I will start loving writing as it used to do.

So, this is for today, for the first of October 2011; and a whole month of excitement ahead.

P.S.  And I will have to learn to stop too, otherwise I will write a long, long posts for the first few days and will stop writing altogether after that.  So, stop, stop, stop… Enough for today.


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