I cannot stop writing

I often get a question:  “How do you write?”  It has a wide range of connotations:  “How do you get such thoughts?”; “How can you find time to write?”; or just “Why the hell you stress yourself after a workday? Don’t you get tired ?”  The answer is simple for me.  I write because I write; I cannot do otherwise.  I cannot live without writing.  It is not about writing a blog or writing online.  Writing online is kind of a perversion, because I cannot write on-paper for many reasons.  Writing online has its benefits too; I get a quick response and I can refine my thoughts if there is any odd thinking.

I never knew myself for years that I can write.  I was a reader; reading for my own pleasure.  I never understood at what time my reading changed from “just reading” to “a reading experience.”  At some point in my reading career, without even knowing myself, I started interpreting things in my own way.  And I started to realize whatever I had read until then was just a reading practice for the years to come.  Earlier, I used to devour hundreds of pages in a day, but it was just a preparation.  Till then, I hated poetry.  I had never brought a poetry book from library.  I never understood why people write poems.  It was all because I had never read good poetry, or I had not learnt interpreting things till then.  All this happened around my early twenties.  From around 19 through 21, I was turning from a “reading reader” to a “writing reader.”

Bless me O God!

Morning!  I started the PC and was about to start work.  I usually keep humming all the time, may be it at home, at work, while riding a bike, or while doing nothing (no one has ever enlightened me on how to do nothing).  And I started humming an abhanga by Tukaram:  हेची दान देगा देवा तुझा विसर न व्हावा, विसर न व्हावा तुझा विसर न व्हावा!!  “Bless me O God; I shall never forgot thou, never, never ever!”  How couldn’t I love these words, how couldn’t I!! Oh God, bless me, I shall never forget thou, never ever!

I knew a similar couplet by Bashir Badr “Wo bada rahim o karim hai mujhe ye sifat bhi ata karein, tujhe bhulne ke duaa karoon to meri duaa mein asar na ho.“  He is really a kind one, He should grant me a wish–if I ever wish to forget you, I wish must never be granted.  And I loved these lines too, but this time Tukaram took my heart away!

In case of Bashir Badr, he wishes he should never forget his beloved one.  And Tukaram?  For him, the God is his beloved, and he is asking the God never to let him forget Him.

I was humming it all over the day, it was constantly going in my head while all the work was going:  हेची दान देगा देवा तुझा विसर न व्हावा, विसर न  व्हावा तुझा विसर न व्हावा!!

For a moment I thought did Tukaram mean that God should always keep us unhappy that we must not forget him?  Nay, it cannot be such.  Tukaram didn’t mean it that way.  May be it was the case with Bashir Badr, certainly not with Tukaram!

Be with me! Never let me go! Hold me to your heart!! And how can I forget you?  Isn’t it what Tukaram means?  Never let me go!

Tukaram made my day today!!

Notes:
Tukaram (1608-1650) was a Marathi seer poet and is considered the zenith of the Warkari tradition, which sought salvation for all irrespective of caste and creed.  Tukaram wrote poetry in the form of abhangas (literally something that cannot be broken).  Tukaram is considered as one of the best poets the language has ever produced.  Tukaram’s abhangas are still played in the households of Maharashtra.

Bashir Badr is a contemporary Urdu poet, one of my favorite.

A musical ride: A journey from Amir Khurso to A. R. Rahman

I usually don’t prefer plugging my earphones in while I am riding a bike.  But as I was coming back from a Sunday-evening ride, and as I was in a not-so-sad mood, I plugged them in, adjusted the volume, and set the player on random shuffle.  It took me about 25 minutes to come back home; what my player played in those 25 minutes was a beautiful musical ride!  It was a wide range of music and poetry from the 13th century Amir Khurso, to the beautiful poetry by Gulzar in the 1960s and early 1970s, to the ultra-modern melody of A. R. Rahman.  I had no choice to select what my player is playing, just out of what I had in it, it was a beautifully random mixture of a broad musical spectrum.

I had five songs in those 25 minutes.  The first one was Naa Jiya laage naa.. from movie Anand.  It’s a beautiful song penned by Gulzar, sung by Lata Mangeshkar.  I had got this song in my cell as one of the bunch of Gulzar songs I had downloaded.  It is based on some classical Raaga (and I understand nothing of Indian classical music).  Wonderful song, silent, melodious, treat to listen.  As always, great lyrics by Gulzar: Jeena bhule the kahaan yaad nahii, thuj ko payaa hai jahaa saans phir aayi wahi (Don’t know where had I forgotten my life; I got my breath back where I found you); and blame me for poor translation.

Second song brought me directly back to 2011.  Te Amo from Dum Maro Dum, reprise solo male version sung by Mohit Chauhan.  Again, wonderful job by Pritam, beautiful use of Mohit Chauhan’s voice.  And Jaideep Sahni is as good as usual in his lyrics.  This slow, melodious song, takes me back to my heart with deep feelings of love.  Te Amo…

Amir Khusro (Image via Wikipedia)

The next one, this song always make me move with from very first beat.  Zihal e miskin makun taghaful was an experimental poem by a 13th century Indian scholar Amir Khurso.  Amir Khusro is one of the most important figure in the cultural history of medieval India.  He is widely known as a pioneer of Urdu language and Urdu poetry as such.  Zihal e miskin is a bilingual poem, first line inPersian the second one in Hindavi/Urdu and such goes on.  With an air of Sufi mysticism, this poem revolves around love — may be love with the Almighty or with a beloved one.  Zihal e miskin is particularly famous in the subcontinent and is composed and sung multiple by a wide variety of singers from Mukesh to Abida Parveen to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and so on.  I have the Abida Parveen version.  Her powerful voice and the mighty percussion of dholak won’t let you without moving.

The fourth song, title song of Tamil film Alaiypauthey (2001), composed by A. R. Rahman (ARR) in Carnatic Classical music.  I don’t know the language.  I don’t know what lyrics Varaimuthu has written for this song (otherwise, he is excellent.  See Enge enathu kavithai).  This is kind of a devotional song (I don’t know, Sirish had told me; he’s native Tamil).  But this song is really treat to listen.  Just you need good earphones, and this can be one of the best songs to make you feel serene.  And the steady buzz of tambora in the background is awesome.  A must listen if you love light melody!

The fifth and the last one was again an A. R. Rahman composition.  Boondon se baate (talking to raindrops) from Takshak.  Frankly, I had never listened this song in my cell, though I had it for long. Still, without doubt, wonderful composition as usual by ARR, and beautiful lyrics by Mehboob.  Sung my some unknown-to-me female singer, this song is no less beautiful from the above four.

Such was a marvelous musical ride, stretching over the period of around 800 years, from Sufi Qawwali to Indian classical to Carnatic classical to modern guitar beats; Persian, Hindi, Urdu, Tamil; exploring a wide spectrum of the subcontinental music.  Two out of five Gulzar songs, two out of five ARR compositions, two out of five devotional songs (if we count zihal e miskin as devotional; and still I am a proud atheist; really no one loves the God as an atheist does).

So thus was my playlist for this Sunday evening.  I can’t imagine of a more bizarrely varied playlist than this one.  I know I am a bit odd in my musical taste (not less than my literary taste), but still if you love anyone of these songs, please let me know.  I bet we can have a good friendship with each other.  If you haven’t listened anyone of them (and probability of this to happen is too much on a higher side), please get then, and I again bet you won’t be disappointed.

Looking ahead for your thoughts

Related articles

• And the poem found: Kandukondain Kandukondain!!! Eureka Eureka!!!(blogofreflections.wordpress.com)
• Khol do by Saadat Hasan Manto: A Shocking Experience(ghalibana.blogspot.com)
  
• I will have a Gulzar please, on the rocks… (diligentcandy.com)
• Main To Piya Se Naina (sujamusic.wordpress.com)
• Khol do by Saadat Hasan Manto: A Shocking Experience (ghalibana.blogspot.com)

I will be back soon :)

This is really frustrating yaar I had written really a long long post and wordpress has eaten it up. It is not possible to write everything again in the same way. I had written everything from the gloomy morning, tweet reply by Javed Akhtar, a long long day, a fleeting evening, the plans for tomorrow (with every detail of where I would be at what time), about the music I have to face at home, and again finally that “I will be back soon”! Everything has just vanished and my post just shows “I had a lot” and finished! I really hate this thing. The post is not even in the thrash

And I can write everything else again, but what about what I wrote about the evening and all those things. I cannot write them now as I wrote them then. It’s is not a science class, just mug up and write down!

This is really, really, really bad! The worst! I was really happy about what I wrote, I had properly hyperlinked everything, Nandura, Manegaon, twitter page of Javed Akatar, even to the facebook profile of Raju (He’s gonna drop me at the station tomorrow morning)!

Hmm I am not gonna do all that stuff again. It’s past 11 p.m. now and I must try to get some sleep. I will have to get up at 4 a.m. tomorrow morning. Just copy-pasting the reply by Javed Akhtar here again for documentation purpose:

@ganeshdhamodkar. Darja has a "J" in it. I don't understand why many pronounce BAWAJOOD which means"inspite of" with a Z instead of J .—
Javed Akhtar (@Javedakhtarjadu) April 25, 2011

And haa, I will be back soon (not as much smiling as it was for the first time)

Tumhari, Saffo

Following is a part of letter written by Safia Akhtar to her husband Jan Nisar Akhtar! Read it, and feel the longing…

My love, I cannot bear to be separated from you in this way and travel in foreign lands for almost two years! You are a poet. And if you can say, “I won’t love you if you don’t want me to,” then you can love in the manner of Shelley, that is, love me not in flesh and blood but only in your imagination. But I am not made this way. I am in love with you and for that reason I need you in my life. How can I put myself to such a test for my career? Akhtar, if you were to go away from me for fourteen years I would live by the strength of my faith in you, but I cannot wrench myself away from you, beloved!

My love, what is this you have asked me? For that I do not have the will to comply. Akhtar! It is enough for me to pass through this life at your feet. This means everything to me. There cannot be greatness waiting for me now without you. If I have a job it is not for the sake of honor or to add to my dignity, but rather to make our lives easier. The day your financial situation becomes stable I will leave this job and devote myself wholly to serving you. My M.Ed. degree will be of no consequence then. Think about it once again from my perspective, feeling the way I do, and if your decision is irrevocable, after that I will have no misgivings about striving for the fellowship.

Savera arrived at the college address yesterday. I will write to Taban and to Bhai Zafar too, though he must be angry with me for not going to Khairabad. The weather here has turned exquisitely sensual. Nights are crispy cold and days so pleasant! Being in Bombay you can’t imagine how it feels here. The hills are lush and green and the fields are verdant whichever way one looks. “If you were here why would the eye wander.”

Come Akhtar! Let me flow in your veins. I have prayed long and hard to make you mine. Seven years have gone by and for the most part we have been separated. My yearning grows with every passing day. I cannot live away from you much longer. Akhtar, I desire your companionship and you want to send me a million miles away! I am truly scared of your lyrical style of love. My very own Akhtar! Come, take me to you, hide me within you in such a way that I may not exist outside of you. Let there just be you and me within you.

Your Saffo,
Bhopal
21 January 1951