I haven’t written anything since coming back from home; it has been about a week now. Not that I was too busy. In fact, I skipped the office for two days, still it was too stressful. Indeed, I cried alone at nights, and cried until I fall asleep. There were times I wanted to write, and just write it out, but then again I controlled myself–and I didn’t have that much energy to write too–I just was too much tired, of everything!
While coming back from home, I informed master just a couple of hours ago that I’m leaving, and he said “what shall I do now?” That “what shall I do now?” sounded too much like what shall I do now for the rest of my life. I know there was a tone of such. What shall I do now is really a big question!!
Stress was so high that I felt for a moment that I should go asleep and should not awake for the next 73 years at least. I know a psychologist would pass it as a passive suicidal ideation; a major concern on its own for depressed mood. I need to handle myself; and I’m trying to do it, a bit more systemically.
Trying to have some lighter moments (afraid they will boomerang back on me)!
N.B. The post title is a song from the movie The Fair Lady. Professor Higgins uses this sentence to polish up Eliza’s accent of vowel “A”. Image from http://www.fabaudrey.com
- Can I ever get out of towel? (blogofreflections.wordpress.com)
- My Fair Lady (jpfmovies.wordpress.com)